Escape from Mt. Moon

Ive always lived by the motto “the path of least resistance is the path for me”, never wanting to do more then what was necessary. I always asked why when ever I was told to do something so that I could weigh out the pros and cons, trying to figure out weather or not I wanted to do it. I know that this is natural and in nature this was a mechanism that we developed to conserve precious energy. We no longer live in a world where this is a concern, especially here in American we are probably the most accommodating country out there. I can no longer blame the culture or my animalistic tendencies, I know that the problem exists and I have to take charge of what I am doing. So how do I do this? Well its not going to be over night thats for sure I have to realize the extent of my problems and what caused them to get to that point.

My problems:

• My room is a mess 
• My bathroom is a mess 
• Car is a mess 
• Hard drive on my old computer is a mess 
• I’m a mess (have yet to shower this morning)
• Haven’t built my desk/ rearrange my room 
• My health and weight are a mess

Now I have to pick one of these and work on fixing that, really focusing on the task at hand. I chose to exercise, I know that most of you are thinking that keeping things clean isn't that hard and that I should be able to keep things clean and work out. What if I told you that I was to tiered from all the running and training that I have been doing? Yea that wasn't good enough for me either, its because I am lazy. Its as simple as that I may have bad habits but either way I make a choice. I chose to do the same thing day in and day out. I have to believe that I have more control over myself and my future, then to let my habits take control. So I am going to be realistic with myself, and make a todo list that I’m going to get done today, not missing a single thing.

To do list:

• Clean my room 
• Clean my bathroom
• Clean up my old hard drive 
• Take a shower 
• Run 6 miles at the waterfront 

Before I start to work on the list, I have to think about what I was doing wrong before whenever I tried to complete these task that have been on my to do list for way to long now. Well one thing that I’ve always tried to do and have failed at miserably was watching tv and cleaning my room. It may be because I'm a guy and we cant multi task, or that I cant multi task as well as others can regardless of gender. What ever the cause of it is, I know that its something that will prevent me from staying off my ass. It will keep me in my seat and stuck on the tv. Maybe I was just looking for a distraction because I really never want to clean anything. Weed is my other problem, I know that most people would disagree and the rest would agree with weed being my problem. With out going to far into it I agree with both sides. I do know (from personal experience) that you can buy different strains of weed and it will effect you differently. Some will get you “high”, uplifted and extremely happy, others will make you “stoned”  stuck, lazy, and sleepy. They do differ more then that but thats the jest. I used to think that if I got the type of weed that has been shown to make me energetic and motivated, I would get shit done. I was wrong and it wasn't because of the weed it was because of me and the state of mind that I was in. I was looking for an escape from my messy room, TV and Weed were my escape rope from Mt. Moon. 

Living with fear

Im sitting here at the island in my kitchen, the day after my first 5k run. I have ran the 3.11 miles in the past but never non stop. This time was different, I was wasn't running with a partner and I ran 2.86 miles and walked .25 miles. Never really thought that I would be able to run half a mile let alone 3. It feels good to prove myself wrong mentally and physically all though I am a little sore (just means I actually improved). I have always been my worst critic the one that has talked myself out of so many things. Its weird how we self sabotage sometimes, we want something new in our lives but for some reason when that new thing starts turning into a habit we do something to derail our train. I don't know the reason for everyone else's self sabotage, but mine is because I'm scared of failure. Im not alone in this fear, everyone has it we just handle it differently, some of us are able to use this as a muse and never look back. Other such as myself sees the task at hand and the amount of work and effort that has to go into and that scares use. What happens if I give it my all, I put in all this blood, sweat and tears and nothing comes of it?   The ironic thing is I want nothing more then for my wildest Dreams to come true, but my fear of failing prevents me form making them come true. I tell myself that Im not afraid to fail, that I actually welcome it, for a story with failure init can make some of the best stories out there. I may lie to myself about not being afraid, saying it out loud to friends and to myself or even in my head over and over again. It doesn't change anything lying to myself that is, I think the first thing is to become realistic with myself. Admitting that fear does lives with me everyday, it is a survival instinct after all its meant to put me on my toes. Making me ready to fight or to take flight, in this moment I should harness the fear like a super hero does his power and use it to rescue me from my mediocre life. It works!! Ive used this fear to motivate me forward in the direction that I want to take. The first thing was working out on a regular basses starting the journey of a healthy life. I was afraid of attempting to lose weight again, because if I fail at this it means my life. That fear turned into jet fuel for my rockets, its propelled me to run, then to run even faster, and to push when I say I have no more. I used to hate the days after a good work out, those days were some of the sorest days I have ever had. Now, for one I don't get any where as sore as I used to get and if I'm not sore enough then I know that I need to push even harder next time. I love the pain the next day because it really isn't the type  pain that distracts you it just simply there to remind you that you had a successful day yesterday.