Finding Success in Failure

I failed and I didn't fail, weird right? So I showered I cleaned the bathroom my room havent done the hard drive yet but the night is still young. The only thing that is left is the 6 miles well thats what I failed at, I didn't make it. Yea it kind of sucks was the first time that I set out to do the training and wasn't able to continue. So what happen? Well it was me being lazy, really I just got side tracked with the task at hand cleaning and what not. I didn't prepare my body for what I was going to do, plus I pushed myself really hard on that run. 

What I did Wrong:

• Drank 3 cups of coffee and 12 oz of water all day 
• Ran for speed not distance 
• Didn't listen to my body 

That first one is a big one, and I’m not talking about the coffee (it didn't help but not the bigger pic.) the amount of water that I drank was not enough water for someone who isn't running. Let alone someone who is going to attempt to do their first 10k EVER. From what Ive read you want clean lean sources of energy and your daily fruit and veggies but really the main thing is that water. As all of you know its what we are mostly made of and THEE must get (other then air) thing for us to live, its just as important when your running being hydrated. 

I did run way to fast I ran so fast that I broke my record for my fastest mile with in the first mile and my fastest 5k. On their both of those things are great, and I love that I did it but because I didn't complete the 10k they were for not. Still I beating previous times is a great thing and im not going to dwell to much on not completing the 10k because I did accomplish something. From the get I felt that this race was at a faster pace then I had set for myself in the past. I started loosing my breath a bit sooner then I wanted which was the first sign that I wasn't going to complete the 10k. If I would have slowed down then i would have made it, maybe. Well see I ran the first 3.11 miles none stop didn't do the 1 min walking or anything like that. That for sure didn't help me out and their I go not listening. 

Now normally in the past, this would be the point where I give up the part where it got to hard. See I ran so hard and I was so dehydrated that about 1/4 of the way through the 4th mile (never stopped running mind you) my mouth began to water. I started to get butterflies in my stomach then I felt my body lung in the I gotta barf lung and gagged. This lasted for maybe 15 seconds, after I got it under control (5 min rest) I began to run again still trying to complete the goal. After about 5 steps my mouth started to water again and my buddy lunged and I gave up. I walked the last 3/4 of the 4th mile, I did have to make it back to my car after all. Now lets take a look at the good things that I did today.

What I did Right:

• Fastest mile 
• Fastest 5k 
• Longest Ive Ran non stop
• Found my Limits 
• Completing everything else 

Just because I didn't complete my goal doesn't mean I wasn't successful, I have to remember that, WE HAVE TO. I know for myself that when you are down on your self you tend not to look at the brighter side. The side where you did something right, giving it your all and holding nothing back is a lot of hard work. For that reason alone most people will never push themselves to that level, to the end of the rope. Others Its because they are scared and don’t know what to do once the run out of rope. so just remember to not sweat the small stuff and remember the big things like wins, and water. 

Escape from Mt. Moon

Ive always lived by the motto “the path of least resistance is the path for me”, never wanting to do more then what was necessary. I always asked why when ever I was told to do something so that I could weigh out the pros and cons, trying to figure out weather or not I wanted to do it. I know that this is natural and in nature this was a mechanism that we developed to conserve precious energy. We no longer live in a world where this is a concern, especially here in American we are probably the most accommodating country out there. I can no longer blame the culture or my animalistic tendencies, I know that the problem exists and I have to take charge of what I am doing. So how do I do this? Well its not going to be over night thats for sure I have to realize the extent of my problems and what caused them to get to that point.

My problems:

• My room is a mess 
• My bathroom is a mess 
• Car is a mess 
• Hard drive on my old computer is a mess 
• I’m a mess (have yet to shower this morning)
• Haven’t built my desk/ rearrange my room 
• My health and weight are a mess

Now I have to pick one of these and work on fixing that, really focusing on the task at hand. I chose to exercise, I know that most of you are thinking that keeping things clean isn't that hard and that I should be able to keep things clean and work out. What if I told you that I was to tiered from all the running and training that I have been doing? Yea that wasn't good enough for me either, its because I am lazy. Its as simple as that I may have bad habits but either way I make a choice. I chose to do the same thing day in and day out. I have to believe that I have more control over myself and my future, then to let my habits take control. So I am going to be realistic with myself, and make a todo list that I’m going to get done today, not missing a single thing.

To do list:

• Clean my room 
• Clean my bathroom
• Clean up my old hard drive 
• Take a shower 
• Run 6 miles at the waterfront 

Before I start to work on the list, I have to think about what I was doing wrong before whenever I tried to complete these task that have been on my to do list for way to long now. Well one thing that I’ve always tried to do and have failed at miserably was watching tv and cleaning my room. It may be because I'm a guy and we cant multi task, or that I cant multi task as well as others can regardless of gender. What ever the cause of it is, I know that its something that will prevent me from staying off my ass. It will keep me in my seat and stuck on the tv. Maybe I was just looking for a distraction because I really never want to clean anything. Weed is my other problem, I know that most people would disagree and the rest would agree with weed being my problem. With out going to far into it I agree with both sides. I do know (from personal experience) that you can buy different strains of weed and it will effect you differently. Some will get you “high”, uplifted and extremely happy, others will make you “stoned”  stuck, lazy, and sleepy. They do differ more then that but thats the jest. I used to think that if I got the type of weed that has been shown to make me energetic and motivated, I would get shit done. I was wrong and it wasn't because of the weed it was because of me and the state of mind that I was in. I was looking for an escape from my messy room, TV and Weed were my escape rope from Mt. Moon. 

Living with fear

Im sitting here at the island in my kitchen, the day after my first 5k run. I have ran the 3.11 miles in the past but never non stop. This time was different, I was wasn't running with a partner and I ran 2.86 miles and walked .25 miles. Never really thought that I would be able to run half a mile let alone 3. It feels good to prove myself wrong mentally and physically all though I am a little sore (just means I actually improved). I have always been my worst critic the one that has talked myself out of so many things. Its weird how we self sabotage sometimes, we want something new in our lives but for some reason when that new thing starts turning into a habit we do something to derail our train. I don't know the reason for everyone else's self sabotage, but mine is because I'm scared of failure. Im not alone in this fear, everyone has it we just handle it differently, some of us are able to use this as a muse and never look back. Other such as myself sees the task at hand and the amount of work and effort that has to go into and that scares use. What happens if I give it my all, I put in all this blood, sweat and tears and nothing comes of it?   The ironic thing is I want nothing more then for my wildest Dreams to come true, but my fear of failing prevents me form making them come true. I tell myself that Im not afraid to fail, that I actually welcome it, for a story with failure init can make some of the best stories out there. I may lie to myself about not being afraid, saying it out loud to friends and to myself or even in my head over and over again. It doesn't change anything lying to myself that is, I think the first thing is to become realistic with myself. Admitting that fear does lives with me everyday, it is a survival instinct after all its meant to put me on my toes. Making me ready to fight or to take flight, in this moment I should harness the fear like a super hero does his power and use it to rescue me from my mediocre life. It works!! Ive used this fear to motivate me forward in the direction that I want to take. The first thing was working out on a regular basses starting the journey of a healthy life. I was afraid of attempting to lose weight again, because if I fail at this it means my life. That fear turned into jet fuel for my rockets, its propelled me to run, then to run even faster, and to push when I say I have no more. I used to hate the days after a good work out, those days were some of the sorest days I have ever had. Now, for one I don't get any where as sore as I used to get and if I'm not sore enough then I know that I need to push even harder next time. I love the pain the next day because it really isn't the type  pain that distracts you it just simply there to remind you that you had a successful day yesterday.