Living with fear

Im sitting here at the island in my kitchen, the day after my first 5k run. I have ran the 3.11 miles in the past but never non stop. This time was different, I was wasn't running with a partner and I ran 2.86 miles and walked .25 miles. Never really thought that I would be able to run half a mile let alone 3. It feels good to prove myself wrong mentally and physically all though I am a little sore (just means I actually improved). I have always been my worst critic the one that has talked myself out of so many things. Its weird how we self sabotage sometimes, we want something new in our lives but for some reason when that new thing starts turning into a habit we do something to derail our train. I don't know the reason for everyone else's self sabotage, but mine is because I'm scared of failure. Im not alone in this fear, everyone has it we just handle it differently, some of us are able to use this as a muse and never look back. Other such as myself sees the task at hand and the amount of work and effort that has to go into and that scares use. What happens if I give it my all, I put in all this blood, sweat and tears and nothing comes of it?   The ironic thing is I want nothing more then for my wildest Dreams to come true, but my fear of failing prevents me form making them come true. I tell myself that Im not afraid to fail, that I actually welcome it, for a story with failure init can make some of the best stories out there. I may lie to myself about not being afraid, saying it out loud to friends and to myself or even in my head over and over again. It doesn't change anything lying to myself that is, I think the first thing is to become realistic with myself. Admitting that fear does lives with me everyday, it is a survival instinct after all its meant to put me on my toes. Making me ready to fight or to take flight, in this moment I should harness the fear like a super hero does his power and use it to rescue me from my mediocre life. It works!! Ive used this fear to motivate me forward in the direction that I want to take. The first thing was working out on a regular basses starting the journey of a healthy life. I was afraid of attempting to lose weight again, because if I fail at this it means my life. That fear turned into jet fuel for my rockets, its propelled me to run, then to run even faster, and to push when I say I have no more. I used to hate the days after a good work out, those days were some of the sorest days I have ever had. Now, for one I don't get any where as sore as I used to get and if I'm not sore enough then I know that I need to push even harder next time. I love the pain the next day because it really isn't the type  pain that distracts you it just simply there to remind you that you had a successful day yesterday.