Lost in a thought of perfection

Lost in a thought of perfection. I find myself sitting and thinking about the future and who I want to become. He's glorious a truly great man, one who gives to others without hesitation or an expectation of a kind word in return. He is a director with a few feature films under his belt and in the middle of a TV series loved by all. He does this not for fame but an uncontrollable urge to create stories and characters with depth. That strike an emotional chord within himself and his audience. The message of his stories often makes the audience take a look at the collective morals of society. In a way that makes them question the perception of the stranger on the road. Hoping to spark a movement of brotherhood and unity not within the nation but across all borders and bodies of water. He is very healthy, he has low body fat percentage, skin pulled tightly across his firm muscles, and without an ounce of loss skin. He is well kept, and well dressed able to slip into any clothing that he can find. Above all, he is happy and needs for nothing because he walks his days with a sincere smile across his face. One that warms the soul of whoever happens to see it in person. 

This man is truly great. He is not who I am, but who I hope to become. To be honest, I have no clue who I am anymore. I used to be sure about my identity and where I fit in the world. I didn't question anything about myself, I lived free to be who I was without a care in the world. But if you wanted me to summarize myself I would be incapable of doing so. I could not admit to you in person that I am scared, sad, that I don't think much of myself, that I see myself as a failure, a bad person, and a horrible friend. I can't tell you that the only desire that I have is to find and meaningful relationship with a woman who is all that I am not. I can’t tell you that whenever I meet someone all I can think about is how great she is, and how I pathetic I am. How I tell myself that I need to change who I am to meet or a line with what she wants. I can’t tell you that I sit in my room sometimes and plan out interactions with new people that I wish to meet. That when I finally do find myself meeting a group of new people I do not have the confidence to open my mouth. I can't talk about the things that I am passionate about because I worry about the world and how it will perceive me. 

I find myself thinking about all that is wrong with me and who I wish I could be.  Instead of living a meaningful life with a smile on my face. The only time that I have felt free were the moments when I was working out. Running three times a week. Each run I push myself harder braking more and more of my goals. That was the time where I was confident with myself and my abilities. I had my pace was not adjusting for any but myself, not caring about anything other than the battle that I had with the road. Each step another victory, it was the same weather I was running outside or on a treadmill, lifting weights or focusing on cardio. I loved it, that's where I need to be. 

I have to go back to that way of life, where I was most confident. I felt like a superhero, I was stronger than I have ever been before, I was faster, I could jump higher, run longer, shit I could even fit in smaller spaces. I know how to get back to that, and knowing this gives me chills. I know if I were to take the steps to get back to that way of life I would not look back, and I would be happy. I've known this for some time and I have yet to act. Why? Is it because I am afraid of the future and its uncertainty? Yea that's exactly it, even though I talk with certainty I know that nothing is for certain. My future is not set in stone, it's constantly changing with every action that I take or do not. 

The difference between me and someone like John from Obese to Beast, Logic, Kendrick Lamar, J.cole and all my hero’s is not that they are not afraid. It's in spite of their fear of the future and its uncertainty. They still take the steps that they know are needed to make their dreams come true. I know what I need to do. I have to take the image of the man that I want to become and throw it away. Lighting the image on fire and throwing it in a metal trash bin, I have to give up on him. If I run my life trying to live up to that image I am expecting perfection, it's my own version of perfect. I have to throw this away because I am not perfect, by the definition of being human, I am imperfect. It's absurd for me to expect myself to be perfect because each time that I fail it's a reminder that I can not be that man. The one that I wish to be, I have to instead be the man that I am. 

I have to take each of my failures and use them as fuel for my desire to better myself. Taking each and every moment in life and learn from it. I am still striving for perfection but with two exceptions, one I expect failure and plan to use it as fuel for my drive when I lack the motivation to overcome my fears. Second I have to take that “perfect” image that I have of myself and forget about it. Knowing that if except my failures and myself I will surpass the limitations of my imagination. 

I am afraid of what the future might have in store for me, but I will no longer use that as an excuse to not live the life that I want. A happy life, a healthy life, Javi’s life.

Javi’s Secret Project 

A change of direction 2.0

Photo Credit: Pablo Rivas

Photo Credit: Pablo Rivas

Hay guys so this is my second attempt at launching my first episode to JSP the Vlog, had some ID10T issues and uploaded something that I shouldn't have. So like I said I am going to be starting a Vlog one Youtube, its pretty much what I had attempted with the blog. I am changing things up because for one writing is not my forte and I really haven’t been posting as much as I should. I feel like you guys are missing out on a lot of good things that go through my head and some not so good. I want all of you guys to have a better insight to my journey and what I am doing. The reason why is because I have been reached out to by some of you guys telling me how much I have inspired you. Thats such a great thing, it makes me feel good to know that I have helped someone in some way with my story. Its great for those of you who have been inspired to take a positive steps in your life, and I hope that through the Vlog I am able to do the same for more people. Plus I like working with video and learning to edit, I find it more enjoyable then writing, not to say I don't like to write I have really started to enjoy it. To be honest I am not sure what this means for the blog, I am not going to make any promises. I do hope you guys like the change and look forward to the next video post. This one Is for the most part going to be what what I have just gone over so far here in the blog either with this post or past ones. To watch the first episode click here. 

Its not time to dream, its time for action

Photo Credit: Javier Villagomez, Glass Cactus Productions

I no longer want to live my life giving excuses out, like free samples at Costco.  I never really thought that I was one to gives excuses, but I was. I was the type of person that if something happened or something didn't happen and it was my fault the first things out of my mouth were excuses. Instead of looking at what has happened and owning up to it and doing something about it to make it ok. I was saying what ever I need to, so that I could be ok with what happened or didn't. I cant do that any more, I can't tell myself its ok to be fat, its ok to be lazy, its ok to lay in bed for another couple of hours.

Photo Credit: Javier Villagomez, Glass Cactus Productions

Excuse get me no where, they do nothing to resolve a situation, they do not mend relationships. All they are, are wasted breaths falling on deaf ears. Think about it do we ever really listen to someone when they are giving us an excuse. If we do listen, is it not so that we can in our heads say "ya ok, whatever you say bro". 

Photo Credit: Javier Villagomez, Glass Cactus Productions

I have ran out of excuses, and its about time. Its time for action, its time for results, its time for change. I used to be In love with the dream, instead of being in love with the work. The work is the thing that makes the dreams come true. Its the work that makes it gratifying to do anything in life. That idea is so simple, but its true. If all I do is dream of being a director, being healthy, dream of not being single, then none of those things will come true. Once we have the idea ( the dream) in our heads that is enough to launch us in the right direction. 

Now I know what some of you are thinking its not that easy, I want to loose weight but I cant find the time. Well if you have time to dream about it and you have time to think of an excuse why you cant do it, then your not spending your time wisely. Thats all I did was dream about who I wanted to become, how I wanted to look, the career that I wanted to have. I was never spending my time wisely always fixated on the dream and not the work. The more time that I spent on dreaming about the changes that I wanted in life the further away my dreams seemed. 

Photo Credit: Javier Villagomez, Glass Cactus Productions

these are the things that I am going to do, to make sure that the dreams come true. One I am no longer going to feel sorry for myself. Im not going to ask the heavens why or how come, even if the answers to my questions were out there I still have to do the work. Thats the second thing I am going to do, I'm going to do the work and focus on that. Not the result of the work or the dream, but instead the things that it takes to make those dreams come true. The results will fallow the work and the dreams will become real. 

So what work do I need to do? Well what are my dreams? One I want to be heathy mentally and physically. Two I want to be a creative, more prosaically I want to be a storyteller. I can be a storyteller in so many medians but my dream is to be a photographer/cinematographer, a screenwriter, a film editor, and a movie director.  Third I want to be an independent adult, that changes the world, and those around me for the better. I have so many more dreams and they are all still possible but these are the ones that give me chills, that make every hair stand one end. These are the things that I dream about more then any other. 

Photo Credit: Javier Villagomez, Glass Cactus Productions

Photo Credit: Javier Villagomez, Glass Cactus Productions

Ok, so now what? Well its finally time to talk about the actual work that needs to be done. The work that has to be done to make the dreams come true. To be physically healthier, I have to do my work outs I have to do push ups every night before bed, I have to run three or more times a week. I have to lift weights five times a week, I have to go to the gym and put in the work. I have to eat smaller portions and more often, I have to eat the things that I know I should and less of the things that I know I shouldn't. To be a storyteller in my chosen mediums, I have to be a student of life and the world around me. I have to see the photos around me, looking for visual beauty in everything. I have to listen the different stories of the day, asking what if this or this happened. Then play them out how in my head and write them down. I have to become a better writer to become a screenwriter. By writing my blogs, by writing out the stories that I have created in my head, and by reading and writing more, i will become a better . For me to become an independent adult, I have to stop relying on those around me. I can effect positive changes in others lives, by making mine better. Hoping in some way my story allows others to learn or to be inspired to change for the better. I want nothing more then for my friends wildest dreams to come true, and I can help them by being there for them. I have to be around, I have to be present in there life. The only way that i can change the world is one person at a time, if I can only change one persons life, then I have changed the world for the better. Now the most important my mental health, I need to stop hiding in my room, I have to stop feeling sorry for my self I can no longer give an excuses to myself or to my friends for the things that I need to do. I have to change my state of mind I have to happier, I can do this by celebrating the wins. Sacrifice, is the one thing that makes things more rewarding. At the same time it is the one thing that makes the worth wild things in life difficult, and seem impossible. I have to remember that someone out there has done the things that I want to do, and because they have done means that I am just as capable of doing the same things. 

Photo Credit: Javier Villagomez, Glass Cactus Productions

Photo Credit: Pablo Rivas Pablorivasphoto.com

Tomorrow is a new day, and a good day to start change. Right now, this moment is the best time to start a change. I can not wait for tomorrow, looking to the future is the same as dreaming and its not time to dream. Its time for action, this is Javi's Secret Project.  

I'm back, and this is whats been going on...

Hay guys, 

How've you guys been, I hope that everyone has been having a good 2015 so far. My 2015 has been noting but good, but I haven't been blogging about it. Why is this, why have I been so inconsistent at blogging, and my work outs and diet? To be honest I'm not sure why and thats been the scariest part. For the most part thats what fear is, its manifested in the things that we don't know about. Who's that shady guy in the corner, whats in that dark corner of the room anything that we are unsure of we all feel a certain amount of fear. some times its negligible, other times its crippling. It can send a rush of adrenaline to your blood system, and lock your legs where they stand when all you want to do is run. Ive been having the full spectrum towards the end of 2014. 

I have such big dreams and high hopes, and the scary part is that they are all up to me to accomplish. Thats where the leg locking fear comes in, I sometimes question if I am good enough, and you know what sometimes I don't think I am and I give up. I did that all last year I would be doing good, I start to see results and then I come home and I eat unhealthy stuff. The worst part is how I beat myself up over it, I eat some more I go hard, taking down 3 sometimes 4 hamburgers and a large fry in one sitting. Then after about an hour so I'll have the munchies and start to eat again.  

That eating and the guilt form that spills over the edges and starts to spill on Javi's Secret Project. Its one in the same and the whole point JSP is to show that its not easy but you can do it too. Then I start to think about the people that could be reading this or watching the video that need the inspiration and I feel as though I'm letting them down. Then if I'm not helping them then whats the point of JSP, am I wasting all my friends time that are helping me the production of this. They all have lives of their own, and dreams of their own and am I just waisting their time, the time that they could be using to live their lives or making their dreams come true. 

That was the problem that I was doing this for the wrong reasons, I started JSP over a year ago now. When I started I did it because I thought it would be a good way to show case my talents and Adams talents in the world of film. I was thinking about it one night, "I want to lose weight, people love hearing stories about people changing their lives, this could be big". Thats how it started and then, we had to figure out how to make this a big deal so that it would work. Well if we built a community around JSP that would help build it into a bigger thing. Then we had to figure out how to do just that, "well lets make it about helping people, I love to help people, and people love those kinds of stories". Thats how JSP was born, with the thought of helping others, never really about me and my weight loss. 

It was about all these other things, and part of me thinks that another reason why I started this was to be in the lime light. I wanted to hear people telling me that I am doing a good job, I was looking for gratification not in what I was doing but in what others thought of me. Its not a life that I want to live any more, but why was I doing this what was the root of my problem. My state of mind had me thinking about the negative and thats it, anything happened my first thoughts were always dark and negative.

That darkness was depression and I was almost certain, and I became certain of it after having a conversation with a friend (who shall remain nameless) she was able to shed light on my Demond. She did this by telling me how its manifested its self in her life, and everything that she told me was the same thing that was happening to me. She didn't know that I was going through the same thing that she once did, because I didn't share that with anyone. She lived it, and was describing it to me, how memories of the past just seem like a gray blur, as more time went by the more she made a home for herself in her own head. Never wanting to leave my thoughts for more then a minute, and thats why I cant, really listen to music anymore. I can stay with a song for noting more then a minute and then I am right back in my own head. She was going through the same exact thing that I was and she was able to describe, how I felt, how seen the world, she knew my state of mind with out me telling her about it. 

That was the moment when the Light started to make its way through the darkness, things didn't seem so bad and I started to celebrate the wins, and didn't think about the bad things as much. I got back into the grind of life, I became a player in this world again, taking myself off the sidelines. I get chills even thinking about the conversation that I had with that friend, see I was waiting for the day that I woke up skinny, and this was the closet thing to it. Really I was looking for a paradigm shift in my life, that was it by changing my way of thinking I changed the way I viewed the world. Really it didn't happen over night, and nothing this important will happen over night, it took closer to 2 or 3 months for me to have this big of a change in my life. 

So what was it that actually changed again it was my thought process, I was so worried about all the bad outcomes that some time i would manufacture anxiety with in myself when it wasn't needed. Having simple conversations with friends seemed like the most troubling thing that I could do. I was worried that I would just fuck up again, didn't matter what it was who I was doing it with I was worried about it all. Trust me thats no way to live life, thats how you live life with regret you regret more things and then it becomes what became with me, depression. Im still working on figuring out the true cause of it all, which will be on the youtube series Javi's Secret Project. 

The way that I fixed it was I, started to think about all things that I am proud of and the things thatI have learned on my own. The weight that I lost rather then the amount that I still have to loose. The more I thought that way the better I was doing, the happier my thoughts became and the more optimistic I be came on life. Then I told my friends what was going on with me and how I was feeling then they started to help me. Not that they didn't want to help me they just didn't know what was going on because I didn't tell them. They shared some things with me, one is not to beat myself up over a bad diet day, or a missed workout, as long as I did the work the day before and I get back on that horse. That I should accept who I am, what I do and if I do something that I don't like I have to tell myself never again when it happens. Eventually I will listen and it will no longer be a thing that I have to think about. One other thing is what I like to call the Andy Dufresen state of mind, I got this from my boy p.Black. You know in "Shawshank Redemption" where Andy dug a hole through solid concrete in a prison with the smallest of tools. Each day the man did his work, did his task seem never ending? Yes but he had to get himself out of this prison, and so do I with my weight and so much more. For example my education in film making and screenwriting, see I want the freedom of knowledge, the more I learn and the better I get. We all have things in our lives that we wish we could have overnight, and just because we cant have it over night doesn't mean we should give up on it. We should still do what we can each day, eventually we will wake up on the day that it becomes real.          

Haven't Been this Happy in to Long

The last couple of days have felt a bit weird to me, and I don't know why. I have been happy, and a lot happier then I have in a while.  I am not sure why I was unhappy to begin with, and now I am not sure why I am happy now but it feels great. Being unhappy for a long period of time is scary, makes you just want to give it up on it all, now I am not saying that I was suicidal or anything like that. I was content with laying in bed all day and night, I was taking myself farther and farther away from all those around me. Now I feel invincible I can do it all, and nothing is out of my reach. I think I know what it is that makes me so happy, maybe its my friends, family, and weight loss.

Like I said I was sad for a while, its been years since I have been truly happy. The last time that I could remember being happy would have to have been in high school. High school was back in 2008 that was 6 years ago, not sure what started this but as time went on it got worse. I was a ghost for six years of my life just existing, I was just simply there and thats it.  Most of you would be surprised that was the case if not all of you, I put up this facade trying to pretend to be happy and for a while there it worked. I never wanted to go out and hang out with friends, I was never comfortable enough with myself to go out in the world. See I have never really accomplished anything of my own, I would ride on the coat tails of those closest to me.

How am I supposed to go out into the real world and survive when, I couldn't accomplished anything on my own. I have never said that out load or thought it but its how I felt, it was most apparent with the ladies. I was so insecure with myself that I couldn't see why any woman would want to be with me. " I don't even like me why should she" I would talk myself out of hanging out with the woman that I was talking to and make something up so that I wouldn't have to hang out with them. See then I didn't know that I was sad, I did know that something was wrong and that I needed to change that. I thought that it was just because I was lonely, but being lonely was a side affect of my sadness.

I had to fix my sadness before I could look at anything else, this is where Javi's Secret Project (JSP) came in and brought me back from the darkness. Like I said I have never really accomplished anything on my own, I was always sacred of failure and ridiculed for my failure. I thought that JSP would be that thing that I could accomplish on my own (ironically the first thing I did was bring in my best friend in on the idea) . First it was a business plan that i wanted to sell to nike, focusing on selling the idea of nike for over weight (or fellow fluffs) people rather then just athletes (still think this is a brilliant idea, consider it a free be nike). Well other then having a good idea how was I supposed to get my foot in the door with Nike, first thought was to build a fallowing on youtube which would Hopefully get Nikes attention. We had to figure out how was I supposed to get a good fallowing, we decided the best way to do so was to build a community on youtube. This was the evolution of JSP, then Adam asked me why not keep it for myself why sell this to some one. These were really good questions, I do like helping people and inspiring them. It honestly makes me feel good to help someones outlook on life for the better. Now JSP is mine with no intention of selling it, its about me getting healthy and hopefully in the process helping others to make their lives better in someway, to be Happy.

So it began, I first started working out in my backyard, I had a gym membership but I was to afraid of being "that fat guy" at the gym. The backyard workout consisted of shadow boxing for 12  three minute rounds with a one minute break in between each round. Oh and this is about 6 or so months after I "started" JSP, with the help of Adam we had created the 1st episode and that was about it. I did the shadow boxing for a while not really on a super constant bases but I was moving and loosing weight. That didn't feel right like I wasn't doing enough, I didnt have to push myself enough doing that. So I looked to running, I had this Magazine from Jamba juice teaching an inexperienced runner how to train for a half marathon. This was a crazy idea to me, and probably why it was so intriguing to me and so it began.

That was the best thing for me, running allowed to to accomplish something each time I ran. My first accomplishment was that first run/walk, it was 2 miles and I had to destroy myself at least thats what it felt like. It was 3min running fallowed by 1 min walk and repeated till i hit the 2 mile mark. Holy shit that was tough after that first 3 min run I was doubting if I could do the whole 2 miles, but I said fuck it i just have to finish. I couldn't have done it with out my run partner, Cris kept pushing me making sure I kept breathing and I kept moving forward. I'm sure that I would have given up on the run if he wasn't there to push me, but still I had to do it I could have easily said fuck it I'm done but I didn't that wasn't an option. 

This project involves so many people other then myself and together we have accomplished so much. All of the people  that ran with me, recorded the color run, liked any one of my JSP related post on social networking sites, or bought tamales every single one of I owe you so much and I am so grateful for your support. Thanks for being yourselves and thank you for helping me accomplish things that I have never thought I would be able to.  

Writing this blog entire has made me reflect on this past year, and I now know why I am happy. I accomplished many great things, I have helped inspired friends to make their lives better, I lost 71 lbs, and I have friends and family that love me. I cant help but be happy, my future is still just as uncertain today as it was a week ago. The only thing  thats different is that I am no longer scared of facing my future I am no longer alone. 

Color Run by Color Vibe

Today is December 12th and the day before my first timed 5k run!! Kinda of nervous and scarred, to be honest I haven’t ran in 2 weeks and Im hoping that I wont kill myself to bad tomorrow. I know why I haven’t ran, its because I’ve been stressed over some things, and yes that is an excuse and those are not expectable. Thats not whats important, whats important is that I keep my head up, and instead of “running” from the stress I need to find a better way. 

So for those of you who don't know already I’ll be running a 5k color run at marine world (discovery kingdom) with the Color Vibe. The weather report says that the rain should stop around 7 am  which is when check in time is, so IF the weather report is correct then we should be good. I got an email from Color Vibe saying that the event is rain or shine, and Im totally ok with that. I set my mind to it and I am going to do it the rain wont hurt me just make me a bit heavier and make the run a bit harder but I got this. 

For those of you that are going to run with me or anyone that is interested in running I have some tips for you that helped me get better.

• Breathe; This is the most important thing, you want to maintain a nice steady breath.
• When you are breathing in pretend like your smelling flowers, nice steady full breath 
• When exhaling pretend that you have a birth cake in front of you an you are blowing out the candles. Never exhaling so hard you spit and making sure you get all the air out of your lungs 
• If you are breathing really heavy, where it almost seems like you can’t get enough air in your lungs then slow it down, 
• Running for distance: don’t push to hard till the end, after all the goal is to make it to the end not having the fast first mile.
• Make sure that you are at a pace that you can maintain for the whole run
• If you don’t know what that pace is (like I did when I first started running) then start at a decent pace and do a run/walk plan 
• Run for 3min and walk for 1
• during the walk if you are out of breathe then put your hand on your head and take two really deep breaths try not to exhale right away, then go to a regular breathing pattern 

Those are the biggest things when it come to running that helped me the most, granted the proper running form and technique are a great help. The breathing and pace are the building blocks needed to get into enough shape so that you can focus on run technique and form later. 

Super Hero training

Yesterday I was worried about what I had to do, I was more or less scared that I wasn't going to be bale to do my work out. It was raining so I had to go to my gym and run, instead of the water front in vallejo like I usually do. It had been way to long since Ive been to the gym, and let me tell you how awesome this place is. It has a swimming pool, hot tube, sauna,basketball court, and all the other stock gym machines and weights. It has everything that I could want or need, and now that I have lost the weight and doing things have become that much easier I cant wait to play on all the things that they have. I am most excited about basketball I feel like I have a fighting chance now that I’m smaller and have better cardio. I don't know how to explain it, I feel like my eyes are open to a whole new realm of possibilities.

Loosing weight is like training to become a super hero, you can run faster jump higher you become stronger. You start to build confidence to do anything things that you worried about in the past is no longer a concern. I would worry about so much all of it was weather or not I was being judged. I would worry about being judged at the gym “look at this fat guy, cant even run a mile under 14 min”, “he doesn’t know what he’s doing, look at him how could he know. Doesn’t look like he works out” is what I used to imagine people were saying in the back of there heads. I no longer do this, I think it was because I was unsure about what I should do. When I went to the gym in the past I never went with a sense of purpose when I was there. I would just move from one random machine to the next, never really working on cardio. Being at the gym yesterday non of that happened I had a sense o
f purpose at the gym. I was training to be a super hero.

A couple of things were different this time, one i had a mission and the only reason why i was there was to run. Two I knew what I was doing, I was going to run/walk 7 miles at what pace and  an idea of how long it would take. Three I made that gym my gym, no one else was there. The first two are about having the knowledge which is key to anything. We as a species fear the unknown, not knowing is the reason for negative thoughts and/or action by a human being. I didn't know what I was doing in the past and thats why negative thoughts, became afraid and was thinking about negative things. When I was at the gym this time I was afraid, but this time it was weather or not I could do the 7 miles. I knew how to do it, but I didn't know if I could, and the only way I was going to find out was to do it one step at a time. Being at the gym with out a trainer of any sort your not going to obtain the knowledge that you need. At that stage my time would have been better spent on research and not at the gym. 

I felt like batman, a man who once feared and who now uses fear as a tool in his utility belt. No longer afraid of what I used to be concurring that allowed me to become “Batman” just like it did for Bruce Wayne. If you think about it Batman is nothing more at the minimum a well trained human being. Other then him not being real and not having his money, why cant any of us the other human beings become Batman? Why cant we be well trained human beings? Any reason that you come up with is B.S. and I do mean any reason. I know of people in wheel chairs training for the olympics they are training to be Batman. So when are you going to start your super hero training?

P.S. Which super hero would you be if you had a choice of any hero dc or marvel? Ironically I would be the Green Lantern, with a full charge on his ring a lantern would stomp all over Batman. With out the ring (not a lantern) Batman would destroy him. Leave a comment below!!

My first 7 mile run can I do it?

Today I have to run 7 miles!! Man that just sounds crazy to me, I do know from last week’s long run I definitely need to pace myself at. I know how to run now and I’ve been doing runs in the past that I never thought I would be able to do, 7 miles still sounds crazy to me. So what do I do, how do I do this? Well it’s pretty simple, one step at a time. Sounds to simple but for me right now I've already done the training for it, so really I just HAVE to do it one step at a time.

So what are the steps before I run these 7 miles? The first one is getting your head right, you have to be at a point of wanting to do it and not needing to do. Their is a big difference between the two, we all have a list of things that we “need” to do  and never gets done. So having the need isn't enough you have to want it. For me it took me getting upset with where I let myself go. I was tiered of it, finding cloths that I like but don't fit, waking up and being aware of my body, being overly insecure (its a human trait, everyone is insecure one way or another)about myself, and the list goes on and on. Nothing could be done to address these issues that I had with myself other then me doing work and start working out. 

When I started I didn't know what I was doing other then the little bit that I had learned over the years. I took what I knew and put it to use, I wasn't worried about what I was going to do next or how long I was going to work out. The important thing is that I wanted it so bad that it didn't matter I just went out there and start doing something. Wanting it made it easier for me to push myself, made it easier to motivate myself not to quite. All of this is due to the fact that I truly want this, if I didn't want this then I would have never ran 2 miles, then 3 miles, then 5 miles, then another 5 miles, and then 4 miles. The 4 mile run was supposed to be a 6 mile run, I didn't make it because I pushed to hard in the beginning try to beat my 1st mile time and my 5k time. Thats what I learned from that, the long runs are not for breaking any other record of mine other then milage. 

After that First work out I went to the internet, looking for anything that I could find on loosing weight. Reading blogs and googling and googling, is all I did for about a week straight, then while I was cleaning my room I found the answer that I was looking for. It was in a free magazine that I got at a jambajuice years ago, It had in it a 12 week program teaching you how to run a Half Marathon. It was designed for beginners which I was and I started to fallow it kinda, I would guess-tamate what the milage was and I wasn't running as hard as I should have. All that changed when I hit up my buddy Cris explaining to him what I wanted to do and that I just needed his help as a workout buddy. Man did I pick the right guy he taught me things about running and breathing that I wouldn't have figured out on my own, and he used to be a big guy like me. So he really knows what its like to be a big guy and to loose it all and keep it off. Everyone isn’t going to have a friend like that they can run with or have been through what your going through. Thats where I come in hopefully my blog post help some of you and I turn into that friend for you. 

Attention Fellow Fluffy People!!!!!

So what do I want to do with Javi’s Secret Project, with health I want to loose the weight for me and no one else. Even though its for me that doesn't mean that I can’t do it for others, I want all those who are just as uncomfortable in their own skin as I once was to be inspired. Thats why I’m taking my story to the internet, I am doing it for you sitting there at your computer trying to find the easiest way to accomplish your goals with health and fitness. I am going to show you what to expect what you have to start doing. It’s a long journey, and not an easy one to get started, but once you get it started its impossible to stop. Its like crack (or what I would imagine crack would be like) once you get started all you want is more, it honestly feels great to get out there and run. 

So how do you get to that point in the first place, from what I have found the biggest thing is getting your head right. Once your mind is on track with your soul you are unstoppable. If you think about it what stops you every time? Its the reason why you have failed in the past, it’s your way of thinking, but all is not lost. The first things is that you have to start giving a fuck about yourself. Now I know that might be a little harsh but its needed, listen to the message and don’t let the language distract you from the meaning. This was something that was shared with me by my buddy Cris, he told me this and it got me thinking. I went through my head looking at what I do day in and day out which wasn't shit, because I didn't give a shit. About you, me or anything non of it really mattered all because I wasn't happy with what I had become. You have to be honest with yourself when you look in the mirror. Start to see the parts of your body that you didn't want to look at, because you are ashamed of it, then except it. Except that that is not you, this is the biggest part of it all, this is when the brain starts to think a little differently and things don't seem so hopeless. 

This was the turning point for me, it was when I said enough is enough Im not going to let me kill myself, I am no longer going to rob myself from the life that I want to live. I think the negative thoughts the depression and everything else that was going on was important it was necessary to get me to the next step. It almost made me  angry when I first started thinking about what I've allowed myself to become. Thats whats needed, that anger to fuels you in the direction you need to go. Its what I use when I want to quite while running “ no you can’t slow down, you've been slowing down your whole life now is the time to push”  I would say

that to myself when I felt tired or like I reached my limits. Once you've found that drive then you can move on to the next thing.

 For me the biggest help was all of my friends the ones that run with me the ones that notice the difference between Javi right now and Javi 3 weeks ago. All of them helped me with what I am embarking on, thats what every one needs. You can do this on your own, but Psychologically speaking we tend to do better when we are apart of a group or team. Its in our nature to want to be apart of a group to be excepted, and getting people involved in your weight loss is like adding to your team. They become apart of your wolf pack, even if all they can do is cheer you on form the side lines  it still helps. Guess what, the internet is great for this you can find a group of like minded people of any sorts. So if you don't have any friends in “real life” then go to the internet and build a healthy relationship with someone. 

You all can start the journey today, don’t put it off till tomorrow, tomorrow is not good enough and it never comes. Plus the first step is easy, find the biggest mirror in the house and then stand in front of it naked. Take a look at yourself every inch pretend like its the first time you have ever seen your own body, for some of you (like myself) this will be the first time that you are aware of your body. Take a look at what you see be conscious of your insecurities, and what you are unhappy with. Then look into your eyes trying to peer deep into your own soul, then tell “yourself I love me for me, for who I am, I am a good person. The clothes I wear and the skin i live in are not the building blocks of who I am. I am much more then the the superficial, and the exterior.” You have to know what it means when you say this, it means that the soul is what makes the person and not the skin or the clothing that they wear. You do this and you will start giving a fuck about yourself and you will be unstoppable. 

Together we can change the world, this is Javi’s Secret Project. 

A special thanks to all my friends

Vallejo Water Front, love running at sunset  

Before I started on this journey of becoming healthy, I was a mess and couldn’t do anything that I wanted, I wanted to do so much, but one day I decided that enough was enough and began to workout. Then I began to train for the half marathon, the half marathon is the one thing that will helped me the most. It takes care of so many things that I had problems with. I was self-conscious about my body and the stamina that I had not being able to run for more then 20 or 30 feet before I would get winded. Self confidence is the most important thing to have to be successful. More important then raw talent or a hunger for bigger and better things, it helps to have raw talent and to be hungry but it doesn't  guarantee anything. You can have either of those talent or hunger but if your not confident enough to take the first step then you will never start.

Theres Cris's helping me on a run

For a while there I didn't have confidence, I had this work out plan showing how to train for a half marathon for over two years. I wanted to do the training but I wasn't confident that one I could do it, and two I didn't want to look like this fat guy that couldn't do shit. The fat guy that started running and got winded almost as soon as he started running, that was the guy I was scared of looking like. Well I was that guy I had to realize that and except who I was and who I became, once I became ok with the skin that I was in I reached out to a friend.

I have a friend named Cris who once was a fellow fat guy, he was the friend that I reached out to. I knew that of any of my friends he was the one that could help me out the most, he lived through what I’m living through after all. I still didn't have the self confidence to run on my own, but I did have enough confidence to start working out in my backyard. This is what I did for a while taking what Cris thought me at Evolution Training Center(if your interested in a cardio class or learning a thing or two about Muay Thai hit these guys up here tell them Javi sent you) and doing the same thing in the backyard. I would do at least 12 rounds, I was loosing weight and and my cardio was getting better and better. As it stood I couldn't even keep up with the warmups at the gym and I knew that the work out could be so much better if I had better cardio. Not to mention I wanted to RUN!! I have never ran more then 20 feet, I didn't know what it felt like just to let your body go on the run. Just relaxing and taking each step at a pace above walking feeling the wind brush against my face the whole time that I ran. I wanted to experience that and come to find out for heavy set people like my self running is the best way to cut the fat. I hit Cris up again this time instead of asking him to show me a thing or two about Muay Thai I asked him to help me train for this half marathon. 

Great Group of people thanks for welcoming me to the family 

In the journeys that we take we no longer need to be alone, we all should have friends either in the physical world or the virtual world that are there and have our backs. This world is to big and we are way to connected for someone not to have a friend or a support group, you just have to look. Cris and Jon were not the only ones that have helped me get to the 20lbs weight loss and the major jump in my cardio. Adam and Nancy have been in my corner just as much as Cris and Jon have been. To be honest I don't think that I could have done this with out them, and all of my other friends at work, on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. I know that I was the one that did the work, trust me I felt the pain that wasn't shared. All of my friends noticing my weight loss, I could see in their faces that they were happy for me. That me making myself better made them feel as good as it made me feel. 

This is why I am confident enough to write (never been the best writer, had always been a path with more resistance then I wanted) to go to the waterfront in vallejo and run on my own. Each every single one of my friends are a testament of my confidence, they helped build my confidence into a towering skyscraper. Like any good skyscraper once its built it no longer needs the contractor, it stands on its own, designed to take earthquakes and any other “bumps in the road”. 

Thanks to all My friends 

- Javi

WORK OUT LIKE A GIANT WITH MICHAEL STRAHAN

Full body workout, looking at doing some lifting once I hit the plato trying to think ahead. I also Found a while ago a full body workout that the rock was doing for pain and gain. Let me know if you're interested, and I'll find it and post it for you guys.

Get bigger, faster, and stronger by following, set-by-set, with former New York Giant Michael Strahan.

BY  MF EDITORS 

Peter Yang

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Strahan trains five days a week with a whole-body circuit that incorporates vertical and horizontal push and pull movements, a mix of hip- and knee- dominant exercises, rotational movements, and core work. “My philosophy is making sure our workouts are functional, so that Michael doesn’t throw out his back picking up a grocery bag,” says Latreal Mitchell, Strahan’s trainer. “We train in all planes of motion and keep it challenging.” Here’s a typical week:

MONDAY

JUMP SQUAT	4 sets x 5 reps
SINGLE-LEG SQUAT	4 sets x 10 reps
DEADLIFT	4 sets x 10 reps
BENCH PRESS	4 sets x 10 reps
DUMBBELL ROW	4 sets x 10 reps
PUSH PRESS	4 sets x 10 reps
ONE-ARM LAT PULLDOWN	4 sets x 10 reps
HIGH-to-LOW WOODCHOP	4 sets x 10 reps
PLANK WALKUP	45-60 seconds

Checkout the full workout and original post here