Haven't Been this Happy in to Long

The last couple of days have felt a bit weird to me, and I don't know why. I have been happy, and a lot happier then I have in a while.  I am not sure why I was unhappy to begin with, and now I am not sure why I am happy now but it feels great. Being unhappy for a long period of time is scary, makes you just want to give it up on it all, now I am not saying that I was suicidal or anything like that. I was content with laying in bed all day and night, I was taking myself farther and farther away from all those around me. Now I feel invincible I can do it all, and nothing is out of my reach. I think I know what it is that makes me so happy, maybe its my friends, family, and weight loss.

Like I said I was sad for a while, its been years since I have been truly happy. The last time that I could remember being happy would have to have been in high school. High school was back in 2008 that was 6 years ago, not sure what started this but as time went on it got worse. I was a ghost for six years of my life just existing, I was just simply there and thats it.  Most of you would be surprised that was the case if not all of you, I put up this facade trying to pretend to be happy and for a while there it worked. I never wanted to go out and hang out with friends, I was never comfortable enough with myself to go out in the world. See I have never really accomplished anything of my own, I would ride on the coat tails of those closest to me.

How am I supposed to go out into the real world and survive when, I couldn't accomplished anything on my own. I have never said that out load or thought it but its how I felt, it was most apparent with the ladies. I was so insecure with myself that I couldn't see why any woman would want to be with me. " I don't even like me why should she" I would talk myself out of hanging out with the woman that I was talking to and make something up so that I wouldn't have to hang out with them. See then I didn't know that I was sad, I did know that something was wrong and that I needed to change that. I thought that it was just because I was lonely, but being lonely was a side affect of my sadness.

I had to fix my sadness before I could look at anything else, this is where Javi's Secret Project (JSP) came in and brought me back from the darkness. Like I said I have never really accomplished anything on my own, I was always sacred of failure and ridiculed for my failure. I thought that JSP would be that thing that I could accomplish on my own (ironically the first thing I did was bring in my best friend in on the idea) . First it was a business plan that i wanted to sell to nike, focusing on selling the idea of nike for over weight (or fellow fluffs) people rather then just athletes (still think this is a brilliant idea, consider it a free be nike). Well other then having a good idea how was I supposed to get my foot in the door with Nike, first thought was to build a fallowing on youtube which would Hopefully get Nikes attention. We had to figure out how was I supposed to get a good fallowing, we decided the best way to do so was to build a community on youtube. This was the evolution of JSP, then Adam asked me why not keep it for myself why sell this to some one. These were really good questions, I do like helping people and inspiring them. It honestly makes me feel good to help someones outlook on life for the better. Now JSP is mine with no intention of selling it, its about me getting healthy and hopefully in the process helping others to make their lives better in someway, to be Happy.

So it began, I first started working out in my backyard, I had a gym membership but I was to afraid of being "that fat guy" at the gym. The backyard workout consisted of shadow boxing for 12  three minute rounds with a one minute break in between each round. Oh and this is about 6 or so months after I "started" JSP, with the help of Adam we had created the 1st episode and that was about it. I did the shadow boxing for a while not really on a super constant bases but I was moving and loosing weight. That didn't feel right like I wasn't doing enough, I didnt have to push myself enough doing that. So I looked to running, I had this Magazine from Jamba juice teaching an inexperienced runner how to train for a half marathon. This was a crazy idea to me, and probably why it was so intriguing to me and so it began.

That was the best thing for me, running allowed to to accomplish something each time I ran. My first accomplishment was that first run/walk, it was 2 miles and I had to destroy myself at least thats what it felt like. It was 3min running fallowed by 1 min walk and repeated till i hit the 2 mile mark. Holy shit that was tough after that first 3 min run I was doubting if I could do the whole 2 miles, but I said fuck it i just have to finish. I couldn't have done it with out my run partner, Cris kept pushing me making sure I kept breathing and I kept moving forward. I'm sure that I would have given up on the run if he wasn't there to push me, but still I had to do it I could have easily said fuck it I'm done but I didn't that wasn't an option. 

This project involves so many people other then myself and together we have accomplished so much. All of the people  that ran with me, recorded the color run, liked any one of my JSP related post on social networking sites, or bought tamales every single one of I owe you so much and I am so grateful for your support. Thanks for being yourselves and thank you for helping me accomplish things that I have never thought I would be able to.  

Writing this blog entire has made me reflect on this past year, and I now know why I am happy. I accomplished many great things, I have helped inspired friends to make their lives better, I lost 71 lbs, and I have friends and family that love me. I cant help but be happy, my future is still just as uncertain today as it was a week ago. The only thing  thats different is that I am no longer scared of facing my future I am no longer alone. 

My first 7 mile run can I do it?

Today I have to run 7 miles!! Man that just sounds crazy to me, I do know from last week’s long run I definitely need to pace myself at. I know how to run now and I’ve been doing runs in the past that I never thought I would be able to do, 7 miles still sounds crazy to me. So what do I do, how do I do this? Well it’s pretty simple, one step at a time. Sounds to simple but for me right now I've already done the training for it, so really I just HAVE to do it one step at a time.

So what are the steps before I run these 7 miles? The first one is getting your head right, you have to be at a point of wanting to do it and not needing to do. Their is a big difference between the two, we all have a list of things that we “need” to do  and never gets done. So having the need isn't enough you have to want it. For me it took me getting upset with where I let myself go. I was tiered of it, finding cloths that I like but don't fit, waking up and being aware of my body, being overly insecure (its a human trait, everyone is insecure one way or another)about myself, and the list goes on and on. Nothing could be done to address these issues that I had with myself other then me doing work and start working out. 

When I started I didn't know what I was doing other then the little bit that I had learned over the years. I took what I knew and put it to use, I wasn't worried about what I was going to do next or how long I was going to work out. The important thing is that I wanted it so bad that it didn't matter I just went out there and start doing something. Wanting it made it easier for me to push myself, made it easier to motivate myself not to quite. All of this is due to the fact that I truly want this, if I didn't want this then I would have never ran 2 miles, then 3 miles, then 5 miles, then another 5 miles, and then 4 miles. The 4 mile run was supposed to be a 6 mile run, I didn't make it because I pushed to hard in the beginning try to beat my 1st mile time and my 5k time. Thats what I learned from that, the long runs are not for breaking any other record of mine other then milage. 

After that First work out I went to the internet, looking for anything that I could find on loosing weight. Reading blogs and googling and googling, is all I did for about a week straight, then while I was cleaning my room I found the answer that I was looking for. It was in a free magazine that I got at a jambajuice years ago, It had in it a 12 week program teaching you how to run a Half Marathon. It was designed for beginners which I was and I started to fallow it kinda, I would guess-tamate what the milage was and I wasn't running as hard as I should have. All that changed when I hit up my buddy Cris explaining to him what I wanted to do and that I just needed his help as a workout buddy. Man did I pick the right guy he taught me things about running and breathing that I wouldn't have figured out on my own, and he used to be a big guy like me. So he really knows what its like to be a big guy and to loose it all and keep it off. Everyone isn’t going to have a friend like that they can run with or have been through what your going through. Thats where I come in hopefully my blog post help some of you and I turn into that friend for you. 

A special thanks to all my friends

Vallejo Water Front, love running at sunset  

Before I started on this journey of becoming healthy, I was a mess and couldn’t do anything that I wanted, I wanted to do so much, but one day I decided that enough was enough and began to workout. Then I began to train for the half marathon, the half marathon is the one thing that will helped me the most. It takes care of so many things that I had problems with. I was self-conscious about my body and the stamina that I had not being able to run for more then 20 or 30 feet before I would get winded. Self confidence is the most important thing to have to be successful. More important then raw talent or a hunger for bigger and better things, it helps to have raw talent and to be hungry but it doesn't  guarantee anything. You can have either of those talent or hunger but if your not confident enough to take the first step then you will never start.

Theres Cris's helping me on a run

For a while there I didn't have confidence, I had this work out plan showing how to train for a half marathon for over two years. I wanted to do the training but I wasn't confident that one I could do it, and two I didn't want to look like this fat guy that couldn't do shit. The fat guy that started running and got winded almost as soon as he started running, that was the guy I was scared of looking like. Well I was that guy I had to realize that and except who I was and who I became, once I became ok with the skin that I was in I reached out to a friend.

I have a friend named Cris who once was a fellow fat guy, he was the friend that I reached out to. I knew that of any of my friends he was the one that could help me out the most, he lived through what I’m living through after all. I still didn't have the self confidence to run on my own, but I did have enough confidence to start working out in my backyard. This is what I did for a while taking what Cris thought me at Evolution Training Center(if your interested in a cardio class or learning a thing or two about Muay Thai hit these guys up here tell them Javi sent you) and doing the same thing in the backyard. I would do at least 12 rounds, I was loosing weight and and my cardio was getting better and better. As it stood I couldn't even keep up with the warmups at the gym and I knew that the work out could be so much better if I had better cardio. Not to mention I wanted to RUN!! I have never ran more then 20 feet, I didn't know what it felt like just to let your body go on the run. Just relaxing and taking each step at a pace above walking feeling the wind brush against my face the whole time that I ran. I wanted to experience that and come to find out for heavy set people like my self running is the best way to cut the fat. I hit Cris up again this time instead of asking him to show me a thing or two about Muay Thai I asked him to help me train for this half marathon. 

Great Group of people thanks for welcoming me to the family 

In the journeys that we take we no longer need to be alone, we all should have friends either in the physical world or the virtual world that are there and have our backs. This world is to big and we are way to connected for someone not to have a friend or a support group, you just have to look. Cris and Jon were not the only ones that have helped me get to the 20lbs weight loss and the major jump in my cardio. Adam and Nancy have been in my corner just as much as Cris and Jon have been. To be honest I don't think that I could have done this with out them, and all of my other friends at work, on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. I know that I was the one that did the work, trust me I felt the pain that wasn't shared. All of my friends noticing my weight loss, I could see in their faces that they were happy for me. That me making myself better made them feel as good as it made me feel. 

This is why I am confident enough to write (never been the best writer, had always been a path with more resistance then I wanted) to go to the waterfront in vallejo and run on my own. Each every single one of my friends are a testament of my confidence, they helped build my confidence into a towering skyscraper. Like any good skyscraper once its built it no longer needs the contractor, it stands on its own, designed to take earthquakes and any other “bumps in the road”. 

Thanks to all My friends 

- Javi

Finding Success in Failure

I failed and I didn't fail, weird right? So I showered I cleaned the bathroom my room havent done the hard drive yet but the night is still young. The only thing that is left is the 6 miles well thats what I failed at, I didn't make it. Yea it kind of sucks was the first time that I set out to do the training and wasn't able to continue. So what happen? Well it was me being lazy, really I just got side tracked with the task at hand cleaning and what not. I didn't prepare my body for what I was going to do, plus I pushed myself really hard on that run. 

What I did Wrong:

• Drank 3 cups of coffee and 12 oz of water all day 
• Ran for speed not distance 
• Didn't listen to my body 

That first one is a big one, and I’m not talking about the coffee (it didn't help but not the bigger pic.) the amount of water that I drank was not enough water for someone who isn't running. Let alone someone who is going to attempt to do their first 10k EVER. From what Ive read you want clean lean sources of energy and your daily fruit and veggies but really the main thing is that water. As all of you know its what we are mostly made of and THEE must get (other then air) thing for us to live, its just as important when your running being hydrated. 

I did run way to fast I ran so fast that I broke my record for my fastest mile with in the first mile and my fastest 5k. On their both of those things are great, and I love that I did it but because I didn't complete the 10k they were for not. Still I beating previous times is a great thing and im not going to dwell to much on not completing the 10k because I did accomplish something. From the get I felt that this race was at a faster pace then I had set for myself in the past. I started loosing my breath a bit sooner then I wanted which was the first sign that I wasn't going to complete the 10k. If I would have slowed down then i would have made it, maybe. Well see I ran the first 3.11 miles none stop didn't do the 1 min walking or anything like that. That for sure didn't help me out and their I go not listening. 

Now normally in the past, this would be the point where I give up the part where it got to hard. See I ran so hard and I was so dehydrated that about 1/4 of the way through the 4th mile (never stopped running mind you) my mouth began to water. I started to get butterflies in my stomach then I felt my body lung in the I gotta barf lung and gagged. This lasted for maybe 15 seconds, after I got it under control (5 min rest) I began to run again still trying to complete the goal. After about 5 steps my mouth started to water again and my buddy lunged and I gave up. I walked the last 3/4 of the 4th mile, I did have to make it back to my car after all. Now lets take a look at the good things that I did today.

What I did Right:

• Fastest mile 
• Fastest 5k 
• Longest Ive Ran non stop
• Found my Limits 
• Completing everything else 

Just because I didn't complete my goal doesn't mean I wasn't successful, I have to remember that, WE HAVE TO. I know for myself that when you are down on your self you tend not to look at the brighter side. The side where you did something right, giving it your all and holding nothing back is a lot of hard work. For that reason alone most people will never push themselves to that level, to the end of the rope. Others Its because they are scared and don’t know what to do once the run out of rope. so just remember to not sweat the small stuff and remember the big things like wins, and water. 

The Mental Struggle

Hello everyone, my name is Javier Villagomez and I’m fluffy and tiered of it. Today is the first day, not to train or to start to lose the weight but the first day that I openly speak my mind about it. I have already started to loose some weight and as of yesterday I am at 289.1lbs which is down from 309lbs. So I have had some success (with training for half marathon), but like most fluffy people the number on the scale is not the only thing that needs to get fixed. The mind is just as important, it has to get fixed just as bad as that number on the scale. With out the right state of mind you are doomed to fail at anything in life, the brain our most powerful and versatile muscle. This is where I am going to exercise that muscle, days that I want to say something I will get on here and do just that. I want to dedicate this first blog to my good friend Jon Boo, of all my friends the one that was the most relentless about me starting this very blog. 

Javi