Haven't Been this Happy in to Long

The last couple of days have felt a bit weird to me, and I don't know why. I have been happy, and a lot happier then I have in a while.  I am not sure why I was unhappy to begin with, and now I am not sure why I am happy now but it feels great. Being unhappy for a long period of time is scary, makes you just want to give it up on it all, now I am not saying that I was suicidal or anything like that. I was content with laying in bed all day and night, I was taking myself farther and farther away from all those around me. Now I feel invincible I can do it all, and nothing is out of my reach. I think I know what it is that makes me so happy, maybe its my friends, family, and weight loss.

Like I said I was sad for a while, its been years since I have been truly happy. The last time that I could remember being happy would have to have been in high school. High school was back in 2008 that was 6 years ago, not sure what started this but as time went on it got worse. I was a ghost for six years of my life just existing, I was just simply there and thats it.  Most of you would be surprised that was the case if not all of you, I put up this facade trying to pretend to be happy and for a while there it worked. I never wanted to go out and hang out with friends, I was never comfortable enough with myself to go out in the world. See I have never really accomplished anything of my own, I would ride on the coat tails of those closest to me.

How am I supposed to go out into the real world and survive when, I couldn't accomplished anything on my own. I have never said that out load or thought it but its how I felt, it was most apparent with the ladies. I was so insecure with myself that I couldn't see why any woman would want to be with me. " I don't even like me why should she" I would talk myself out of hanging out with the woman that I was talking to and make something up so that I wouldn't have to hang out with them. See then I didn't know that I was sad, I did know that something was wrong and that I needed to change that. I thought that it was just because I was lonely, but being lonely was a side affect of my sadness.

I had to fix my sadness before I could look at anything else, this is where Javi's Secret Project (JSP) came in and brought me back from the darkness. Like I said I have never really accomplished anything on my own, I was always sacred of failure and ridiculed for my failure. I thought that JSP would be that thing that I could accomplish on my own (ironically the first thing I did was bring in my best friend in on the idea) . First it was a business plan that i wanted to sell to nike, focusing on selling the idea of nike for over weight (or fellow fluffs) people rather then just athletes (still think this is a brilliant idea, consider it a free be nike). Well other then having a good idea how was I supposed to get my foot in the door with Nike, first thought was to build a fallowing on youtube which would Hopefully get Nikes attention. We had to figure out how was I supposed to get a good fallowing, we decided the best way to do so was to build a community on youtube. This was the evolution of JSP, then Adam asked me why not keep it for myself why sell this to some one. These were really good questions, I do like helping people and inspiring them. It honestly makes me feel good to help someones outlook on life for the better. Now JSP is mine with no intention of selling it, its about me getting healthy and hopefully in the process helping others to make their lives better in someway, to be Happy.

So it began, I first started working out in my backyard, I had a gym membership but I was to afraid of being "that fat guy" at the gym. The backyard workout consisted of shadow boxing for 12  three minute rounds with a one minute break in between each round. Oh and this is about 6 or so months after I "started" JSP, with the help of Adam we had created the 1st episode and that was about it. I did the shadow boxing for a while not really on a super constant bases but I was moving and loosing weight. That didn't feel right like I wasn't doing enough, I didnt have to push myself enough doing that. So I looked to running, I had this Magazine from Jamba juice teaching an inexperienced runner how to train for a half marathon. This was a crazy idea to me, and probably why it was so intriguing to me and so it began.

That was the best thing for me, running allowed to to accomplish something each time I ran. My first accomplishment was that first run/walk, it was 2 miles and I had to destroy myself at least thats what it felt like. It was 3min running fallowed by 1 min walk and repeated till i hit the 2 mile mark. Holy shit that was tough after that first 3 min run I was doubting if I could do the whole 2 miles, but I said fuck it i just have to finish. I couldn't have done it with out my run partner, Cris kept pushing me making sure I kept breathing and I kept moving forward. I'm sure that I would have given up on the run if he wasn't there to push me, but still I had to do it I could have easily said fuck it I'm done but I didn't that wasn't an option. 

This project involves so many people other then myself and together we have accomplished so much. All of the people  that ran with me, recorded the color run, liked any one of my JSP related post on social networking sites, or bought tamales every single one of I owe you so much and I am so grateful for your support. Thanks for being yourselves and thank you for helping me accomplish things that I have never thought I would be able to.  

Writing this blog entire has made me reflect on this past year, and I now know why I am happy. I accomplished many great things, I have helped inspired friends to make their lives better, I lost 71 lbs, and I have friends and family that love me. I cant help but be happy, my future is still just as uncertain today as it was a week ago. The only thing  thats different is that I am no longer scared of facing my future I am no longer alone. 

Scariest Day of my Life

You'll never guess what happened to me today, this morning I had the worst headache that I have ever had. It was defiantly a Migraine, I know that it was a migraine, for one the amount of pain that I was in, two it made my vision blurry and any bright light or sound was like someone jamming an icepick into my temple. The last thing that told me that this was a migraine was the fact that i was throwing up and dry heaving all over the place. It was by far the worst thing that I have experienced to date, the only thing that seemed to make it feel better was sleep, because while in sleep you don't register the pain in the conscious mind.

It all started last night when I first started getting a headache, I had decided that I didn't want take anything because it really wasn't that bad. That was the big mistake the next thing I know I am waking up at 7 in the morning and my head is pounding. I feel pain at the base of my head where it meets my neck and I feel it in my temples. The pain in my neck felt like someone was hitting my with their fist over and over again, each time it throbbed with pain was a strike. The worst part was my temples, imagine someone taking their thumbs and pushing as hard as they can on each temple. Luckily when I was throwing up it was early in the morning and all I had in my stomach was water (side note if i had a choice of one thing to throw up it would be water the best of the worst) and for some reason the rush of blood to my head made the pain go away temporarily. That stopped a few minutes after I started dry heaving and the pain was even worse.

At this point the two alive that I had taken already went down the toilet, but i didn’t want to attempt to put anything else in my stomach. So I took an ice pad out of the freezer and rested my head on it so that the ice was touching the base of my head where it meets my neck. Really all you can do in this situation is to ice your head while laying down in a quite dark room until the pain goes away. Sleep is the best, yea you may wake up and its only a little bit better but you didn't have to sit in that pain for the three hours it took for the pain to drop. Thats what happened to me i woke up at like 7 am  with the margarine and fell asleep around 8 am, and woke up at 11 my head still pounding. this time my vision wasn't blurry and it wasn't anywhere near as bad as it was. I was able to take some alive and keep it down, it is now 3 pm and I no longer feel any headache of any sort. 

That whole thing was insane, to even think about gives me a slight chill. The scariest thing was after words, when I tested my blood sugar. My father thought that it would be a good idea because the blurry vision is a diabetic symptom. It was scary because I am a heavy set Mexican with a family history of diabetes. I have all of the pre coursers for it, I didn't want to have this and for that reason alone I almost didn't take the test. I took the test and my blood sugar reading came out to be 129, which is pre diabetic, talk about scary. 

Its up to me now to fix that, I have already started on this road of having a normal good sugar reading, The only thing is for some reason I haven't really thrown myself into the weight loss way of life. I don't really eat the right stuff or at the right times I don't drink enough water during the day and i don't work out as much as I should. I have no clue why this is. its seems as though  I have alway been that type of person. I will throw my self into a project or an idea, but I never really jump in and slowly move further and further away from what I started. I started to do this with my weight loss, I haven't ran in a week!! Not a single mile I told my friends it was because I wanted to spend time with my family instead of running. Which is a BULL SHIT excuse I could go run for the 30-40 minutes that it takes me and still have the rest of the day to be with my family. 

No more!! Will I fall victim to my own self sabotages i can not listen to my head when it comes to this. Part of the reason why I wanted to tape and talk about my weight loss on the internet was so that I could be held accountable for what I am trying to do. I was afraid that my desire to be healthy was not enough and come to find out its not. It takes action, I have to keep my head up an acknowledge the good that I have done, and keep it moving forward. 

I do know that I excel in a structured based system, but this is life and it doesn't have structure that I excel in. Life is more fluid like the ocean, as a whole constantly changing with the coming tide. Even though life may always be changing that doesn't mean we cant build our own structure in it, to better ourselves. This is exactly what I am going to do, I am going to build my own system taking the knowledge that I have and adapting it to fit my likes the best. This is going to go past when, where, who, and how im going to work out, its going to be about how i want to live the next couple of years of my life. So the next couple of post are going to be all about adding structure to my life. 

My first 7 mile run can I do it?

Today I have to run 7 miles!! Man that just sounds crazy to me, I do know from last week’s long run I definitely need to pace myself at. I know how to run now and I’ve been doing runs in the past that I never thought I would be able to do, 7 miles still sounds crazy to me. So what do I do, how do I do this? Well it’s pretty simple, one step at a time. Sounds to simple but for me right now I've already done the training for it, so really I just HAVE to do it one step at a time.

So what are the steps before I run these 7 miles? The first one is getting your head right, you have to be at a point of wanting to do it and not needing to do. Their is a big difference between the two, we all have a list of things that we “need” to do  and never gets done. So having the need isn't enough you have to want it. For me it took me getting upset with where I let myself go. I was tiered of it, finding cloths that I like but don't fit, waking up and being aware of my body, being overly insecure (its a human trait, everyone is insecure one way or another)about myself, and the list goes on and on. Nothing could be done to address these issues that I had with myself other then me doing work and start working out. 

When I started I didn't know what I was doing other then the little bit that I had learned over the years. I took what I knew and put it to use, I wasn't worried about what I was going to do next or how long I was going to work out. The important thing is that I wanted it so bad that it didn't matter I just went out there and start doing something. Wanting it made it easier for me to push myself, made it easier to motivate myself not to quite. All of this is due to the fact that I truly want this, if I didn't want this then I would have never ran 2 miles, then 3 miles, then 5 miles, then another 5 miles, and then 4 miles. The 4 mile run was supposed to be a 6 mile run, I didn't make it because I pushed to hard in the beginning try to beat my 1st mile time and my 5k time. Thats what I learned from that, the long runs are not for breaking any other record of mine other then milage. 

After that First work out I went to the internet, looking for anything that I could find on loosing weight. Reading blogs and googling and googling, is all I did for about a week straight, then while I was cleaning my room I found the answer that I was looking for. It was in a free magazine that I got at a jambajuice years ago, It had in it a 12 week program teaching you how to run a Half Marathon. It was designed for beginners which I was and I started to fallow it kinda, I would guess-tamate what the milage was and I wasn't running as hard as I should have. All that changed when I hit up my buddy Cris explaining to him what I wanted to do and that I just needed his help as a workout buddy. Man did I pick the right guy he taught me things about running and breathing that I wouldn't have figured out on my own, and he used to be a big guy like me. So he really knows what its like to be a big guy and to loose it all and keep it off. Everyone isn’t going to have a friend like that they can run with or have been through what your going through. Thats where I come in hopefully my blog post help some of you and I turn into that friend for you. 

WORK OUT LIKE A GIANT WITH MICHAEL STRAHAN

Full body workout, looking at doing some lifting once I hit the plato trying to think ahead. I also Found a while ago a full body workout that the rock was doing for pain and gain. Let me know if you're interested, and I'll find it and post it for you guys.

Get bigger, faster, and stronger by following, set-by-set, with former New York Giant Michael Strahan.

BY  MF EDITORS 

Peter Yang

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Strahan trains five days a week with a whole-body circuit that incorporates vertical and horizontal push and pull movements, a mix of hip- and knee- dominant exercises, rotational movements, and core work. “My philosophy is making sure our workouts are functional, so that Michael doesn’t throw out his back picking up a grocery bag,” says Latreal Mitchell, Strahan’s trainer. “We train in all planes of motion and keep it challenging.” Here’s a typical week:

MONDAY

JUMP SQUAT	4 sets x 5 reps
SINGLE-LEG SQUAT	4 sets x 10 reps
DEADLIFT	4 sets x 10 reps
BENCH PRESS	4 sets x 10 reps
DUMBBELL ROW	4 sets x 10 reps
PUSH PRESS	4 sets x 10 reps
ONE-ARM LAT PULLDOWN	4 sets x 10 reps
HIGH-to-LOW WOODCHOP	4 sets x 10 reps
PLANK WALKUP	45-60 seconds

Checkout the full workout and original post here