Haven't Been this Happy in to Long

The last couple of days have felt a bit weird to me, and I don't know why. I have been happy, and a lot happier then I have in a while.  I am not sure why I was unhappy to begin with, and now I am not sure why I am happy now but it feels great. Being unhappy for a long period of time is scary, makes you just want to give it up on it all, now I am not saying that I was suicidal or anything like that. I was content with laying in bed all day and night, I was taking myself farther and farther away from all those around me. Now I feel invincible I can do it all, and nothing is out of my reach. I think I know what it is that makes me so happy, maybe its my friends, family, and weight loss.

Like I said I was sad for a while, its been years since I have been truly happy. The last time that I could remember being happy would have to have been in high school. High school was back in 2008 that was 6 years ago, not sure what started this but as time went on it got worse. I was a ghost for six years of my life just existing, I was just simply there and thats it.  Most of you would be surprised that was the case if not all of you, I put up this facade trying to pretend to be happy and for a while there it worked. I never wanted to go out and hang out with friends, I was never comfortable enough with myself to go out in the world. See I have never really accomplished anything of my own, I would ride on the coat tails of those closest to me.

How am I supposed to go out into the real world and survive when, I couldn't accomplished anything on my own. I have never said that out load or thought it but its how I felt, it was most apparent with the ladies. I was so insecure with myself that I couldn't see why any woman would want to be with me. " I don't even like me why should she" I would talk myself out of hanging out with the woman that I was talking to and make something up so that I wouldn't have to hang out with them. See then I didn't know that I was sad, I did know that something was wrong and that I needed to change that. I thought that it was just because I was lonely, but being lonely was a side affect of my sadness.

I had to fix my sadness before I could look at anything else, this is where Javi's Secret Project (JSP) came in and brought me back from the darkness. Like I said I have never really accomplished anything on my own, I was always sacred of failure and ridiculed for my failure. I thought that JSP would be that thing that I could accomplish on my own (ironically the first thing I did was bring in my best friend in on the idea) . First it was a business plan that i wanted to sell to nike, focusing on selling the idea of nike for over weight (or fellow fluffs) people rather then just athletes (still think this is a brilliant idea, consider it a free be nike). Well other then having a good idea how was I supposed to get my foot in the door with Nike, first thought was to build a fallowing on youtube which would Hopefully get Nikes attention. We had to figure out how was I supposed to get a good fallowing, we decided the best way to do so was to build a community on youtube. This was the evolution of JSP, then Adam asked me why not keep it for myself why sell this to some one. These were really good questions, I do like helping people and inspiring them. It honestly makes me feel good to help someones outlook on life for the better. Now JSP is mine with no intention of selling it, its about me getting healthy and hopefully in the process helping others to make their lives better in someway, to be Happy.

So it began, I first started working out in my backyard, I had a gym membership but I was to afraid of being "that fat guy" at the gym. The backyard workout consisted of shadow boxing for 12  three minute rounds with a one minute break in between each round. Oh and this is about 6 or so months after I "started" JSP, with the help of Adam we had created the 1st episode and that was about it. I did the shadow boxing for a while not really on a super constant bases but I was moving and loosing weight. That didn't feel right like I wasn't doing enough, I didnt have to push myself enough doing that. So I looked to running, I had this Magazine from Jamba juice teaching an inexperienced runner how to train for a half marathon. This was a crazy idea to me, and probably why it was so intriguing to me and so it began.

That was the best thing for me, running allowed to to accomplish something each time I ran. My first accomplishment was that first run/walk, it was 2 miles and I had to destroy myself at least thats what it felt like. It was 3min running fallowed by 1 min walk and repeated till i hit the 2 mile mark. Holy shit that was tough after that first 3 min run I was doubting if I could do the whole 2 miles, but I said fuck it i just have to finish. I couldn't have done it with out my run partner, Cris kept pushing me making sure I kept breathing and I kept moving forward. I'm sure that I would have given up on the run if he wasn't there to push me, but still I had to do it I could have easily said fuck it I'm done but I didn't that wasn't an option. 

This project involves so many people other then myself and together we have accomplished so much. All of the people  that ran with me, recorded the color run, liked any one of my JSP related post on social networking sites, or bought tamales every single one of I owe you so much and I am so grateful for your support. Thanks for being yourselves and thank you for helping me accomplish things that I have never thought I would be able to.  

Writing this blog entire has made me reflect on this past year, and I now know why I am happy. I accomplished many great things, I have helped inspired friends to make their lives better, I lost 71 lbs, and I have friends and family that love me. I cant help but be happy, my future is still just as uncertain today as it was a week ago. The only thing  thats different is that I am no longer scared of facing my future I am no longer alone. 

Color Run by Color Vibe

Today is December 12th and the day before my first timed 5k run!! Kinda of nervous and scarred, to be honest I haven’t ran in 2 weeks and Im hoping that I wont kill myself to bad tomorrow. I know why I haven’t ran, its because I’ve been stressed over some things, and yes that is an excuse and those are not expectable. Thats not whats important, whats important is that I keep my head up, and instead of “running” from the stress I need to find a better way. 

So for those of you who don't know already I’ll be running a 5k color run at marine world (discovery kingdom) with the Color Vibe. The weather report says that the rain should stop around 7 am  which is when check in time is, so IF the weather report is correct then we should be good. I got an email from Color Vibe saying that the event is rain or shine, and Im totally ok with that. I set my mind to it and I am going to do it the rain wont hurt me just make me a bit heavier and make the run a bit harder but I got this. 

For those of you that are going to run with me or anyone that is interested in running I have some tips for you that helped me get better.

• Breathe; This is the most important thing, you want to maintain a nice steady breath.
• When you are breathing in pretend like your smelling flowers, nice steady full breath 
• When exhaling pretend that you have a birth cake in front of you an you are blowing out the candles. Never exhaling so hard you spit and making sure you get all the air out of your lungs 
• If you are breathing really heavy, where it almost seems like you can’t get enough air in your lungs then slow it down, 
• Running for distance: don’t push to hard till the end, after all the goal is to make it to the end not having the fast first mile.
• Make sure that you are at a pace that you can maintain for the whole run
• If you don’t know what that pace is (like I did when I first started running) then start at a decent pace and do a run/walk plan 
• Run for 3min and walk for 1
• during the walk if you are out of breathe then put your hand on your head and take two really deep breaths try not to exhale right away, then go to a regular breathing pattern 

Those are the biggest things when it come to running that helped me the most, granted the proper running form and technique are a great help. The breathing and pace are the building blocks needed to get into enough shape so that you can focus on run technique and form later. 

Super Hero training

Yesterday I was worried about what I had to do, I was more or less scared that I wasn't going to be bale to do my work out. It was raining so I had to go to my gym and run, instead of the water front in vallejo like I usually do. It had been way to long since Ive been to the gym, and let me tell you how awesome this place is. It has a swimming pool, hot tube, sauna,basketball court, and all the other stock gym machines and weights. It has everything that I could want or need, and now that I have lost the weight and doing things have become that much easier I cant wait to play on all the things that they have. I am most excited about basketball I feel like I have a fighting chance now that I’m smaller and have better cardio. I don't know how to explain it, I feel like my eyes are open to a whole new realm of possibilities.

Loosing weight is like training to become a super hero, you can run faster jump higher you become stronger. You start to build confidence to do anything things that you worried about in the past is no longer a concern. I would worry about so much all of it was weather or not I was being judged. I would worry about being judged at the gym “look at this fat guy, cant even run a mile under 14 min”, “he doesn’t know what he’s doing, look at him how could he know. Doesn’t look like he works out” is what I used to imagine people were saying in the back of there heads. I no longer do this, I think it was because I was unsure about what I should do. When I went to the gym in the past I never went with a sense of purpose when I was there. I would just move from one random machine to the next, never really working on cardio. Being at the gym yesterday non of that happened I had a sense o
f purpose at the gym. I was training to be a super hero.

A couple of things were different this time, one i had a mission and the only reason why i was there was to run. Two I knew what I was doing, I was going to run/walk 7 miles at what pace and  an idea of how long it would take. Three I made that gym my gym, no one else was there. The first two are about having the knowledge which is key to anything. We as a species fear the unknown, not knowing is the reason for negative thoughts and/or action by a human being. I didn't know what I was doing in the past and thats why negative thoughts, became afraid and was thinking about negative things. When I was at the gym this time I was afraid, but this time it was weather or not I could do the 7 miles. I knew how to do it, but I didn't know if I could, and the only way I was going to find out was to do it one step at a time. Being at the gym with out a trainer of any sort your not going to obtain the knowledge that you need. At that stage my time would have been better spent on research and not at the gym. 

I felt like batman, a man who once feared and who now uses fear as a tool in his utility belt. No longer afraid of what I used to be concurring that allowed me to become “Batman” just like it did for Bruce Wayne. If you think about it Batman is nothing more at the minimum a well trained human being. Other then him not being real and not having his money, why cant any of us the other human beings become Batman? Why cant we be well trained human beings? Any reason that you come up with is B.S. and I do mean any reason. I know of people in wheel chairs training for the olympics they are training to be Batman. So when are you going to start your super hero training?

P.S. Which super hero would you be if you had a choice of any hero dc or marvel? Ironically I would be the Green Lantern, with a full charge on his ring a lantern would stomp all over Batman. With out the ring (not a lantern) Batman would destroy him. Leave a comment below!!

My first 7 mile run can I do it?

Today I have to run 7 miles!! Man that just sounds crazy to me, I do know from last week’s long run I definitely need to pace myself at. I know how to run now and I’ve been doing runs in the past that I never thought I would be able to do, 7 miles still sounds crazy to me. So what do I do, how do I do this? Well it’s pretty simple, one step at a time. Sounds to simple but for me right now I've already done the training for it, so really I just HAVE to do it one step at a time.

So what are the steps before I run these 7 miles? The first one is getting your head right, you have to be at a point of wanting to do it and not needing to do. Their is a big difference between the two, we all have a list of things that we “need” to do  and never gets done. So having the need isn't enough you have to want it. For me it took me getting upset with where I let myself go. I was tiered of it, finding cloths that I like but don't fit, waking up and being aware of my body, being overly insecure (its a human trait, everyone is insecure one way or another)about myself, and the list goes on and on. Nothing could be done to address these issues that I had with myself other then me doing work and start working out. 

When I started I didn't know what I was doing other then the little bit that I had learned over the years. I took what I knew and put it to use, I wasn't worried about what I was going to do next or how long I was going to work out. The important thing is that I wanted it so bad that it didn't matter I just went out there and start doing something. Wanting it made it easier for me to push myself, made it easier to motivate myself not to quite. All of this is due to the fact that I truly want this, if I didn't want this then I would have never ran 2 miles, then 3 miles, then 5 miles, then another 5 miles, and then 4 miles. The 4 mile run was supposed to be a 6 mile run, I didn't make it because I pushed to hard in the beginning try to beat my 1st mile time and my 5k time. Thats what I learned from that, the long runs are not for breaking any other record of mine other then milage. 

After that First work out I went to the internet, looking for anything that I could find on loosing weight. Reading blogs and googling and googling, is all I did for about a week straight, then while I was cleaning my room I found the answer that I was looking for. It was in a free magazine that I got at a jambajuice years ago, It had in it a 12 week program teaching you how to run a Half Marathon. It was designed for beginners which I was and I started to fallow it kinda, I would guess-tamate what the milage was and I wasn't running as hard as I should have. All that changed when I hit up my buddy Cris explaining to him what I wanted to do and that I just needed his help as a workout buddy. Man did I pick the right guy he taught me things about running and breathing that I wouldn't have figured out on my own, and he used to be a big guy like me. So he really knows what its like to be a big guy and to loose it all and keep it off. Everyone isn’t going to have a friend like that they can run with or have been through what your going through. Thats where I come in hopefully my blog post help some of you and I turn into that friend for you. 

Javi's Secret Project

So some of you may have noticed me using this #javissecretproject, and my blogg title “Javi’s Secret Project” and you don’t know what it is. Well Its about me loosing weight, most of you are probably thinking thats not a big surprise. Its more then just me loosing the weight, its about me taking my life by the horns doing things that can’t be done by others. In other words its what I need to do today to have a better tomorrow. My goals today are to loose weight and doing anything that I can with film, thats what I want to do for the rest of my life, to tell stories and to be healthy. Those are my secret projects they are things that only I can do, no one can make me the next big thing in film, I have to do the work I have to create, to reach that point. Obviously the weight loss has to be done by me no one can lose the weight for me, they can lose weight while I lose weight but they cant run in my place. 

I have one more secret, I am going to take my two passions one new one (running/ healthy lifestyle), and two the old one (film/story telling) and combine them together into a film project. With the help of some like minded friends we are building our own production company and this is going to be our first film project. The goal of this project is to build a community of people doing the things that they are passionate about despite what life throws at them. This community is going to show the world that we being humans are capable of doing anything no matter how hard the path we can do it. This is how I hope to change the world for the better by opening peoples eyes to the possibilities of what this world has to offer and holding nothing back. 

In this project I am going to try and show that I am by no means perfect or even close to it. I am simply a human being and by definition I am imperfect, like all of you. One thing that I can guarantee for everyone out there no matter the Secret Project, all of us will fail. It’s okay to fail, thats something most people loose sight of. Failure can bring us so many good things such as, learning about faults that we weren't aware of prior, a new sense of purpose or drive, and it takes away the fear of failing. I want to be as open as possible I want all of you to see me fail, I want you to see me get back up and fight even harder. 

Together we can change the world, this is Javi’s Secret Project. 

P.S. Tell me about your “Secret Project” in the comments below. What is it, how do you hope to accomplish it?